Remarkable Weeks

Week  38 of 1980, Bob Marley performed his final concert at Stanley Theatre in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. In 1999, the Exodus album was named the Album of the Century by Time Magazine.  He was 1,858.57 (34.64 yrs).

Week  38 of 1988, Greg Louganis struck his head on the diving board during the 3m springboard preliminaries at the Seoul Olympics. He recovered, qualifying for the final, which he won the next day. He was 1,494.43 weeks old (28.66 yrs).

Week  38 of 2014, Emma Watson received a standing ovation at the UN Headquarters in New York City after delivering a powerful speech to kick off the UN Women's HeForShe campaign, which urges men to take an active role in promoting gender equality. As a son, brother, father and human, I'm here for it. She was 1,274.57 weeks (24. y44rs).

This Week's Quote

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. -Albert Schweitzer

Of course there is a line.  Of course you should put on your own oxygen mask first, and of course you should never tolerate a real and present existential threat. Duh. 

However, almost all "existential threat" situations that we find ourselves in are only existentially threatening to our ego.  And who cares, kill my ego... I have been trying for years.

I defy you to come up with a situation where kindness hurts your position.

One saying I love is "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness.", because it embodies the personal layers I think we all should create in ourselves.

I am so nice.  Of course I fail sometimes and forget to go out of my way to be kind, but mostly I have a big fluffy exoskeleton.

I am kind and nice, and you can't insult me ...on purpose. It's a developed(ing) skill. Under that layer is a steel door.  It is tempered and hardened and impenetrable.  Behind that steel door is the center of the Tootsie Pop... as much love, gratitude, kindness,  selflessness, and emotional availability that I can muster from moment to moment.

I am happy to let nearly anyone who isn't sus inside that door!  But... act wrongly and you'll find yourself outside the steel door again... but still faced with the fluffy exoskeleton.

If you mistake my kindness for weakness, that's on you... but the kindness will still be there when you realize your mistake.

What I am Consuming This Week 

I am still reading the Rory Sutherland book, Alchemy.   I also subscribed and downloaded all of his articles from The Spectator to my kindle so I can march through them at bedtime.

But, the main thing I want to share with you are a few podcasts with one of my favorite authors... Yuval.

What I am Thinking About This Week

I have been thinking about this all week.

It's a fine line: who you are and who you are being, what is useful and what is useless.

I mean... it would be much easier for me not to brush my teeth, not to exercise, and not to clean the kitchen every night, at least in the short term... But I am not sure that is the best way for me to be a good husband.

So, in one sense, we are always keeping up appearances for the people we love and respect.

There is always a bit of choice. A little bit of agency in the "Who I am" from moment to moment.

We are all sightly different versions of ourselves in different situations.  I am a different guy at basketball than I am at home. (I am not sure if it is possible for us to be exactly the same in all situations... unless you are a high school football coach/ PE teacher.)

And so, if we are all doing some measure of keeping up appearances, what then is the correct amount?

Where does the reasonable amount diverge from the exhausting, expensive, (literally and metaphorically) and corrosive work of keeping up appearances to impress the Jones's, etc?

I want people to like me... hell, I want YOU to like me!  But not at all costs.

The male peacock spends a TON of energy growing and maintaining those beautiful tail feathers. But that is directly inline with their stated goals... attracting desirable mates.

What tail feathers are you maintaining?  Are they in line with your stated goals?  Do you have a car payment on a fancy car AND financial worries?  If so, I would argue that likely you should drop those appearances. (Get a cheaper car and park a block a way if you can't stomach the ridicule of your coworkers!)

Do you spend energy doing stuff that you don't like so that other people will think you are nice? Likely an appearance you should drop. (This is different than being generous... being generous is easy.) In fact, the way you feel when you are adding the tip on to your bill is the mid-point of these two things, being generous vs showing out.

There is a group of things that you do that cost precious time, energy and treasure, and don't align with your stated goals... Ruthlessly root those things out and destroy them.

Be kind, be reasonable, be easy to hang out with, but don't be fake.  

Have a great week!

Spencer

P.S. Send me a note if you have a question or a topic you want me to address.

P.P.S. If you read this whole email, here is your reward.

P.P.S. If you really want to get comfortable being uncomfortable, the 33 Day Foundation streak tool will launch later this year. If you want to get on the wait list, send Eli a message with "33" in the subject line...Info@4kweeks.com